


i loved you in secret

by cxstielsbees



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mini Fic, Post 15x19, dean’s point of view, mentions of Castiel, mentions of Chuck (supernatural), mentions of sam (supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxstielsbees/pseuds/cxstielsbees
Summary: ‘Cas. You gotta bring him back.’Dean could feel that familiar push of resistance when he said that, like a brick wall’s mortar cracking. Ever since he met Cas, there was a certain feeling he had whenever he talked to him, thought about him. At first Dean thought is was the plucking of a nerve that his life had been ever since he was four, the constant reminder of battle, that him and Sam were made to save the world. But as he got older, as they grew closer, the feeling intensified. Every smile, every tear, were accompanied by a steady pushing at his rib cage.title from ‘dancing with our hands tied’ by taylor swift
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 18





	i loved you in secret

‘Cas. You gotta bring him back.’

Dean could feel that familiar push of resistance when he said that, like a brick wall’s mortar cracking. Ever since he met Cas, there was a certain feeling he had whenever he talked to him, thought about him. At first Dean thought is was the plucking of a nerve that his life had been ever since he was four, the constant reminder of battle, that him and Sam were made to save the world. But as he got older, as they grew closer, the feeling intensified. Every smile, every tear, were accompanied by a steady pushing at his rib cage.

It took him a few more years and a lot more pain to realize that this was Chuck’s doing, that he was nothing more than a puppet on a string, confined to a story. A story that Cas wasn’t in. And damn, did that hurt. But by his side there was always the fallen angel who stood outside the story. 

Time told him that Cas was a constant, even after the fighting, the yelling, the slamming of doors and leaving for days on end. But he always came back. Until the one time he didn’t. The time that Cas left his heart there for Dean to do whatever he wanted with. And Dean finally realized that the pressure on his lungs was Cas, the angel with the messy hair and blue eyes that put roots into his soul and watch them bloom and die with every anger fueled decision Dean made.

Even if he was gone, Cas still stayed with him, leading him away from the beaten path and towards the one they were making for their own. And every time he took their path, the pressure grew just that much stronger, until the day that it will finally gain enough strength to rip away from Chuck’s story, from what’s written. 

So Dean will ask for him back, and hold onto the seeds of hope that Cas’s roots spread in his soul. He was more than just a character in a story.

**Author's Note:**

> i originally posted this on twitter (unsaiddean) but it flopped miserably so here to hoping it goes better on here :))


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